Guess Who Made The Team!!

The final Bengal's cuts have been made and just like every well run organization, there are some fantastic young gentlemen on this years 53 man squad. Lets take a look at some of the highlights...

Not turned off by the fact he had the most drops per opportunity in 2009, Dan "brick hands" Coats not only survived cut day but is rumored to be second string fullback behind a player we will highlight later.


Nothing gets me more jacked for the season than the thought of Coats streaking up the middle, bricks dragging along the ground and Carson actually throwing to him. He's my fantasy sleeper to start the flex TE/FB position.

Moving on...apparently the clause in his contract where he couldn't be over 350lbs was worth less than a 6 month supply of cheetos...Andre Smith has avoided cut day as well. Who would want a movie star in Michael Oher as a starting offensive tackle when you can have....

THIS GUY!!!


This blubbery compilation of a picture is saved to my computer with the filename "FAT.jpg". But really, Andre, you look pretty good relatively speaking. That orange Cheeto underboob looks delicious.


In a move that surprised no one, Indian medicine man Adam "don't call me Pac, man" Jones has made the team as the nickel/dollar corner. Its been awfully dry in Cincinnati for the last month, hopefully the showers begin soon.



Mr. Offseason this year, Cedric Benson will assume the position of starting running back once again. Rodger Goodell finally showed some compassion towards the Bengals by not suspending Benson following his "self defense" fight. I think this mugshot was from one of his previous arrests though (semi joke, semi serious):


Another fantastic individual who has turned the corner in his life, Tank Johnson will be in a rotation with Domata Peko, Pat Sims, and Geno Atkins at Defensive Tackle. Tank, shown here, doing his best to live up to his nickname.


And finally, the man that stands in the way of Dan Coats seeing the field, the starting Fullback...


That's right. It's a picture of nobody. Nobody. Eating a pair of twinkies. Because THERE IS NOT ONE F*CKING PERSON STANDING IN THE WAY OF DANIEL COATS BEING ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD.

The Bengals decided not to keep a fullback. But don't you worry, if they would have, I gaurantee he would love eating twinkies. Just like the man they made the highest paid fullback at the time, Jeremy Johnson.

Hey it's alright Bengals fans, it could be worse...




Greg "I loathe Mike Ock Brown" R.

Welcome to the Big Leagues Mr. Chapman!

In case you missed it tonight... well first off what the h*ll are you thinking?... but Aroldis Chapman made his major league debut tonight and was absolutely sick. That is the only way to describe him. Don't believe me? See below.



If you almost wet yourself, no problem, you're not alone. If you're planning what days to take off in October in order to see some playoff games well you're probably not alone there either. As veteran leader Scott Rolen says, lets just take it one day at a time, but how can you not be excited!?!?! 7 game lead? Check! Most exciting player addition? Check! Best player in the National League? Check! Best August record in all of baseball? CHECK!

GO REDS!!!!!

4.5 Games Baby!!!!!!

Unbelievable. Do me a favor.. don't read the last post. This Reds team has a wonderful way about them of making a$$es out of their doubters. While I still think they have their issues there is no way you can't be excited about their recovery from the St. Louis series. For those of you living in a cave they're up 4.5 games in the Central and are on a 7 game winning streak. Meanwhile St. Louis is falling off the cliff and has lost 5 in a row. Of course now that I've written this, the Reds will suck the rest of their road trip, St. Louis will find their bats and we'll be tied by mid next week. Hopefully not though.

Our little team from Cincinnati is starting to get some national publicity as well. Check out the links below:
- ESPN's Buster Olney says that Joey Votto is currently the front runner for NL MVP. I agree.
- Someone named Michael Robinson from somewhere called Donbest highlights the Reds run and how its coming at a great time as they had previously lost 12 straight over 4 seasons in LA.
- Digital Sports Daily takes a quick look into how the Reds are getting it done.
- Curious about what the San Bernardino County Sun thinks about the Reds extension offer to Baker? Of course you are!
- Yahoo's Big League Stew, which is actually pretty well written takes a look at the Reds' willingness to use the suicide squeeze and Cabrera's ability to make the best out of a bad situation on the DL.

Save those for Monday and allow your work productivity to drop.

As for the Baker extension here are my thoughts: He sucks at in game management, but clearly his players love him. Would it be nice if we could have both? Of course, but given the other options that would be willing to come to Cincy, and the job Baker has done this season the extension offer was the correct move, and I hope he accepts. Please don't remind me I said this next time Baker uses Leake to pinch hit over Nix, Janish, Heisey, and Hannigan.

Well that was unfortunate.

So there really is no point in running through all the stats. Basically the Reds were over-matched, out-hustled, out-played, and out-classed over the past three games. We talked the talk, but they did all the walking. Did the Reds learn anything from this absolute beat down? I have no idea. As a fan though, I learned plenty.

The Reds are listening to the hype. And they shouldn't be. Reality check Cincinnati. This team hasn't won sh*t. Not this season. Not last season. Not since 1995. That is 16 years. I like the Cardinals about as much as Prince Fielder likes salad, so I know where you're coming from B Phil. But you don't just go pop off at the mouth at the team that has completely owned you and then not back it up. You wanted to start a fight, and you did. It resulted in a sweep and likely suspension. Well done.

The Reds are not good enough to make the playoffs on talent alone. They don't have the horses at the top of the rotation. They don't have the batting numbers from the corner outfielders, and their closer is shaky at best. The Reds have gotten to where they are by playing solid fundamental hustling baseball. They were tops in the NL in fielding percentage until about a week ago, and also lead the league in going 1st to 3rd on base hits. What did we see in this series? Fielders misplaying balls, both in the air and on the ground... AND THEN JOGGING AFTER THEM!! I'm looking at you Chris Heisey and Ramon Hernandez. Physical mistakes happen, but mental and effort mistakes are inexcusable.

All the additions, subtractions, and moving players up and down has killed the team chemistry. As I sit here writing this I am watching "Rocky Balboa" on FX. This movie is the 6th one in the Rocky series. Remember "Rocky Balboa?" Of course you don't! And if you do I'm sure we can agree it was one step below The Cable Guy. I promise I'm going somewhere with this so just keep up with me... Rocky 1: Classic. Rocky 2: Great sequel. Rocky 3 and 4: Awesomely entertaining dudefests at their very worst. Rocky 5 and 6: Crap on a stick. Why? Because it got watered down. They killed off too many important characters and tried to introduce new "interesting" ones that just didn't stick. We lost Mic, Apollo, and Adrienne, and they tried to replace them with Tommy "The Machine" Gun, Mason "The Line" Dixon, and Little Marie. Give me a break! You're not fooling anyone. Don't fix what isn't broken. Ya see where I'm going yet?

One thing the Reds had going for them all year is that they were a close nit group that believed in one another. I applaud the front office for doing what they can to help us win right now, but it looks like they've done subtraction by addition. Edmonds looked his age this weekend, and if you don't think it affected the psyche of Gomes, Bruce, Nix, Heisey, and Stubbs, you need to watch the games again. We're 115 games into the season and when pressed I couldn't name who our starting outfield is. And I've seen about 100 of the games... that is a problem. There's only 2 hours in a Rocky movie, and there can only be 9 men on a field at once.

A losing culture is almost impossible to shed. Ask Clipper fans. Ask Cubs fans. Ask Browns fans. When a team starts losing the franchise and city almost accept it as an inevitability. Despite how excited the entire city was about this series, most die hard fans would have told you they would have taken 1 out of 3 games and moved on. Sure a lot of that was due to the pitching match ups, but a lot of it was due to the fact that we're used to seeing our teams lose this type of series. Whether its the Bengals losing to a rookie QB on the road in the playoffs.... F*CK!!!!!!!!!!!... I HATE YOU SHANE GRAHAM!!!!!!.... AHHHHHHHHH.... or the Reds taking their playoff leave of absence for 15 years, the fans of Cincinnati have come to expect this sort of thing.

There is still a lot of game left in this team. They have fire, it just was used incorrectly over this series. If they get back to playing smart fundamental baseball they will have better than a puncher's chance (Rocky again. Yes!). Keep beating up on the crapfest that is the rest of the NL Central, and stop worrying about the Cardinals... for now.

Hey the good news is we get the Marlins and Josh Johnson's Cy Young campaign tomorrow.

The Biggest Series in Cincy since 1999

The hated Cards are in Cincy to face the Reds in a series that actually has meaning. That's right Reds fans... its August and our series with the Cardinals has playoff potential. Infact considering the pitching match ups this looks a lot like a playoff series. We kick off here in about a half hour with Carpenter vs. Leake. Garcia goes agasint Cueto, and Wainwright and Arroyo close out the series on Wednesday.

Some other important notes going into the week:
- The Reds traded Chris Dickerson to the Brewers for Jim "Older than most people, but younger than some buildings" Edmonds, who will start in centerfield tonight.
- To open up a roster spot for Edmonds, Travis Wood was optioned back to AAA. STOP! STOP! There is no need to throw your computer at the wall. He will be back up in 10 days and will only miss one start. Everything will be okay. Deep breaths.
- Joseph Votto vs. Albert Poo Holes for best player in the National League. Kick his ass Joe!

Check back throughout the week for series updates, recaps, and such.

Whats the difference between Pujols and a piece of sh*t in a bucket? The bucket.

Go Reds!