Guess Who Made The Team!!

The final Bengal's cuts have been made and just like every well run organization, there are some fantastic young gentlemen on this years 53 man squad. Lets take a look at some of the highlights...

Not turned off by the fact he had the most drops per opportunity in 2009, Dan "brick hands" Coats not only survived cut day but is rumored to be second string fullback behind a player we will highlight later.


Nothing gets me more jacked for the season than the thought of Coats streaking up the middle, bricks dragging along the ground and Carson actually throwing to him. He's my fantasy sleeper to start the flex TE/FB position.

Moving on...apparently the clause in his contract where he couldn't be over 350lbs was worth less than a 6 month supply of cheetos...Andre Smith has avoided cut day as well. Who would want a movie star in Michael Oher as a starting offensive tackle when you can have....

THIS GUY!!!


This blubbery compilation of a picture is saved to my computer with the filename "FAT.jpg". But really, Andre, you look pretty good relatively speaking. That orange Cheeto underboob looks delicious.


In a move that surprised no one, Indian medicine man Adam "don't call me Pac, man" Jones has made the team as the nickel/dollar corner. Its been awfully dry in Cincinnati for the last month, hopefully the showers begin soon.



Mr. Offseason this year, Cedric Benson will assume the position of starting running back once again. Rodger Goodell finally showed some compassion towards the Bengals by not suspending Benson following his "self defense" fight. I think this mugshot was from one of his previous arrests though (semi joke, semi serious):


Another fantastic individual who has turned the corner in his life, Tank Johnson will be in a rotation with Domata Peko, Pat Sims, and Geno Atkins at Defensive Tackle. Tank, shown here, doing his best to live up to his nickname.


And finally, the man that stands in the way of Dan Coats seeing the field, the starting Fullback...


That's right. It's a picture of nobody. Nobody. Eating a pair of twinkies. Because THERE IS NOT ONE F*CKING PERSON STANDING IN THE WAY OF DANIEL COATS BEING ON THE FOOTBALL FIELD.

The Bengals decided not to keep a fullback. But don't you worry, if they would have, I gaurantee he would love eating twinkies. Just like the man they made the highest paid fullback at the time, Jeremy Johnson.

Hey it's alright Bengals fans, it could be worse...




Greg "I loathe Mike Ock Brown" R.