Much like we did for some of the Bengals games, tonight starting at 7:10 we will be following the Reds vs. Pirates game tonight with inning by inning updates. So if you are bored, and/or are watching the Reds game tonight stop in an follow along.
Here is a picture of the always popular Erin Andrews Ass to hold you over until then.... 
We are five minutes or so from the first pitch. The starting pitcher for the Pirates is Paul Maholm who is 3-4 with a 4.5 ERA. So not impressive. The Reds are starting UNDEFEATED Mike Leake. I think its about time for us to give Leake a nickname. We'll get back to that later though.... be back in an inning.
Inning 1: Some Pirate got a hit but no one cares, no harm done. 11 pitch inning for Leake. In the Reds' half of the inning Votto laced a double which got me thinking about something. ESPN sportswriter and my personal hero Bill Simmons has a theory, inspired by Joey Harrington, that a player can't possibly be respected with the name Joey. It makes sense. Think about it... everyone named Joey you know is either a screw up or at the very least kinda goofy. Meanwhile Joe Frazier, Joe Theisman, Joe Morgan, Joe Namath... all great athletes. All great Americans. So from now on we call him Joe Votto. Or if you must, Joseph. Rolen grounded out 0-0 after one.
Inning 2: A couple double plays make this a rather uninteresting inning. Both pitchers look "groovy."
Inning 3: Cedeno gets a hit which makes number 8 hitters 2-16 against Leake on the season. Thank you for that random stat Mr. Chris Welch. Another double play for the Reds and the Pirates have 3 hits and nothing to show thus far.
Janish starts the bottom of the 3rd with a hit. The 2nd of his career. Okay not really but man he's weak at the plate. Reds strand him at 2nd. 3 innings down, 0-0 still.
Inning 4: Welp Gomes got a 2 out double but they couldn't get him in. I'm glad they decide to play the most boring 4 innings of baseball I've seen this year when I decide to do a running diary. Just to make sure you're awake.....
.... sorry, I couldn't find any hot girls wearing Reds gear. Some nice Marge Schott stuff though.
Inning 5: A Pirate runner almost got to 2nd base!!! And who says baseball is boring. Our pitcher got a hit... nothing else. This is physically painful. On a brighter note since I have nothing to write about I spent the inning searching and look what I found....
.... pretty sure I've posted this pic in another blog, but I don't care.
Inning 6: The first 5 innings took place in less than 1 hour and 10 minutes. At this rate this could possibly be a 2 hour game, which will give me way too much free time. Somebody. Do. Something.
Chris Welch has absolutely no idea what the Pythagorean Theorem is. Here's a hint buddy: It has nothing to do with run differential compared to win/loss record. It actually is about triangles... which, in case you were wondering, the baseball field is not.
The Pirates get a couple more hits, but strand 2. Shocking. Joe Votto got picked off first base. There's something ya don't see everyday, but if I'm not mistaking that's at least the 2nd time Votto has been picked off this season. Rolen lines out to end the inning and the score is STILL 0-0.
Inning 7: Lastings Milledge (how could any sane person honestly think Lastings is a good name for a child) just swung at a pitch that, I swear, bounced in the grass before the plate. He would then lace a line to left for a hit only to get thrown out trying to steal a second.
The Reds finally have a runner in scoring position with a Ramon Hernandez double. I still don't think Hernandez should play as much as he does, but I'll admit he doesn't completely suck. Hannigan is still batting almost 60 points higher, but unfortunately does not speak Spanish which hurts when Cueto starts. I'm guessing the new call up Enerio Del Rosario would prefer a Spanish speaking battery mate as well. Regardless I think Hannigan should be starting 2 of every 3 games and as I write this Hernandez has 15 more at-bats than Hannigan. This will be interesting to watch as the season progresses. After a Janish walk, Dusty curiously leaves Leake in to bat? Who pops out ending the inning. Very questionable move there. 0-0 as we head to the 8th.
Inning 8: Unreal. Routine fly to center, and Stubbs can't find the ball which ends up landing about 20 feet behind him. Iwamura ends up on 3rd. Next batter ropes a double up the first base line bringing him in. That's just plain dumb luck. Leake gets pulled after 8 and 1/3 solid innings. Another impressive showing by the rookie. Lets just hope the Reds can get the sticks going in the bottom of the inning and keep him undefeated. Aurthur Rhodes and his 0.49 (not a typo) ERA are on to relieve. WOWZA!! After a strike out by Rhodes, Hernandez snaps off Walker who strayed a little bit too far from second.
Bruce pitch hit for Heisey and dribbles the first pitch back to the mound. SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT DUSTY. YOU PITCH HIT FOR A GUY YOU FELT COMFORTABLE IN THE LEAD OFF SPOT AND HAD ALREADY SEEN THE PITCHER TWICE WITH BRUCE, ONE OF OUR COLDEST BATTERS WHO HAD BEEN SITTING ON THE BENCH ALL GAME!?!?!?! MY GOD I HATE YOU.
PHILLIPS HOMER!!!! ABSOLUTE BOMB TO LEFT CENTER! Okay Baker, you're lucky that Phillips distracted everyone from yet another horrendous coaching decision. On a happy note though, it's tied up 1-1 and Mike Leake will get a no decision. Votto and Rolen strike out, but FINALLY something has happened. End of 8. Pirates 1, Reds 1.
Top of 9: After getting the first batter, Baker replaces Rhodes (in a 1-1 game) with Nick "son of a b*tch" Masset. Text from Greg: "Oh God." That sums it up nicely. Rolen makes another difficult play look routine. Every time he does this it makes me hate Edwin Encarnacion more and more. Masset gives up a homerun on a fastball straight down the middle. Awesome. The worst part is I'm not even surprsied. How many times is Dusty going to overmanage this team before something changes. It is absolutely unbelieveable how bad of an in game manager he is. Once again, Masset should be shot... that is quickly becoming the new Cintucky slogan.
Bottom of 9: Jonny Gomes starts off the inning with a strike out. Hernandez gets things started with a hit to left field. Lance Nix pitch hits for Drew Stubbs. Now this one makes sense. You put in a guy who has been crushing the ball for a weak hitter (who was batting 7th). It should also be noted that Nix homered in 3 straight starts, then hasn't started since (thank you for actually useful information Welch). Nix bloops out to 2nd. Cabrera, pitch hitting for Janish pops out to the catcher to end the game.
RECAP: What did we learn? Dusty sucks. Masset also sucks. The bats were cold. Shit Masset gets his 3rd loss on the season and his 2nd in his last 4 appearances. Final Score: Pirates 2, Reds 1.
Brian "now lets hope the Padres can take care of the hated Cards" Reinhart
We are five minutes or so from the first pitch. The starting pitcher for the Pirates is Paul Maholm who is 3-4 with a 4.5 ERA. So not impressive. The Reds are starting UNDEFEATED Mike Leake. I think its about time for us to give Leake a nickname. We'll get back to that later though.... be back in an inning.
Inning 1: Some Pirate got a hit but no one cares, no harm done. 11 pitch inning for Leake. In the Reds' half of the inning Votto laced a double which got me thinking about something. ESPN sportswriter and my personal hero Bill Simmons has a theory, inspired by Joey Harrington, that a player can't possibly be respected with the name Joey. It makes sense. Think about it... everyone named Joey you know is either a screw up or at the very least kinda goofy. Meanwhile Joe Frazier, Joe Theisman, Joe Morgan, Joe Namath... all great athletes. All great Americans. So from now on we call him Joe Votto. Or if you must, Joseph. Rolen grounded out 0-0 after one.
Inning 2: A couple double plays make this a rather uninteresting inning. Both pitchers look "groovy."
Inning 3: Cedeno gets a hit which makes number 8 hitters 2-16 against Leake on the season. Thank you for that random stat Mr. Chris Welch. Another double play for the Reds and the Pirates have 3 hits and nothing to show thus far.
Janish starts the bottom of the 3rd with a hit. The 2nd of his career. Okay not really but man he's weak at the plate. Reds strand him at 2nd. 3 innings down, 0-0 still.
Inning 4: Welp Gomes got a 2 out double but they couldn't get him in. I'm glad they decide to play the most boring 4 innings of baseball I've seen this year when I decide to do a running diary. Just to make sure you're awake.....
.... sorry, I couldn't find any hot girls wearing Reds gear. Some nice Marge Schott stuff though.Inning 5: A Pirate runner almost got to 2nd base!!! And who says baseball is boring. Our pitcher got a hit... nothing else. This is physically painful. On a brighter note since I have nothing to write about I spent the inning searching and look what I found....
.... pretty sure I've posted this pic in another blog, but I don't care.Inning 6: The first 5 innings took place in less than 1 hour and 10 minutes. At this rate this could possibly be a 2 hour game, which will give me way too much free time. Somebody. Do. Something.
Chris Welch has absolutely no idea what the Pythagorean Theorem is. Here's a hint buddy: It has nothing to do with run differential compared to win/loss record. It actually is about triangles... which, in case you were wondering, the baseball field is not.
The Pirates get a couple more hits, but strand 2. Shocking. Joe Votto got picked off first base. There's something ya don't see everyday, but if I'm not mistaking that's at least the 2nd time Votto has been picked off this season. Rolen lines out to end the inning and the score is STILL 0-0.
Inning 7: Lastings Milledge (how could any sane person honestly think Lastings is a good name for a child) just swung at a pitch that, I swear, bounced in the grass before the plate. He would then lace a line to left for a hit only to get thrown out trying to steal a second.
The Reds finally have a runner in scoring position with a Ramon Hernandez double. I still don't think Hernandez should play as much as he does, but I'll admit he doesn't completely suck. Hannigan is still batting almost 60 points higher, but unfortunately does not speak Spanish which hurts when Cueto starts. I'm guessing the new call up Enerio Del Rosario would prefer a Spanish speaking battery mate as well. Regardless I think Hannigan should be starting 2 of every 3 games and as I write this Hernandez has 15 more at-bats than Hannigan. This will be interesting to watch as the season progresses. After a Janish walk, Dusty curiously leaves Leake in to bat? Who pops out ending the inning. Very questionable move there. 0-0 as we head to the 8th.
Inning 8: Unreal. Routine fly to center, and Stubbs can't find the ball which ends up landing about 20 feet behind him. Iwamura ends up on 3rd. Next batter ropes a double up the first base line bringing him in. That's just plain dumb luck. Leake gets pulled after 8 and 1/3 solid innings. Another impressive showing by the rookie. Lets just hope the Reds can get the sticks going in the bottom of the inning and keep him undefeated. Aurthur Rhodes and his 0.49 (not a typo) ERA are on to relieve. WOWZA!! After a strike out by Rhodes, Hernandez snaps off Walker who strayed a little bit too far from second.
Bruce pitch hit for Heisey and dribbles the first pitch back to the mound. SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT DUSTY. YOU PITCH HIT FOR A GUY YOU FELT COMFORTABLE IN THE LEAD OFF SPOT AND HAD ALREADY SEEN THE PITCHER TWICE WITH BRUCE, ONE OF OUR COLDEST BATTERS WHO HAD BEEN SITTING ON THE BENCH ALL GAME!?!?!?! MY GOD I HATE YOU.
PHILLIPS HOMER!!!! ABSOLUTE BOMB TO LEFT CENTER! Okay Baker, you're lucky that Phillips distracted everyone from yet another horrendous coaching decision. On a happy note though, it's tied up 1-1 and Mike Leake will get a no decision. Votto and Rolen strike out, but FINALLY something has happened. End of 8. Pirates 1, Reds 1.
Top of 9: After getting the first batter, Baker replaces Rhodes (in a 1-1 game) with Nick "son of a b*tch" Masset. Text from Greg: "Oh God." That sums it up nicely. Rolen makes another difficult play look routine. Every time he does this it makes me hate Edwin Encarnacion more and more. Masset gives up a homerun on a fastball straight down the middle. Awesome. The worst part is I'm not even surprsied. How many times is Dusty going to overmanage this team before something changes. It is absolutely unbelieveable how bad of an in game manager he is. Once again, Masset should be shot... that is quickly becoming the new Cintucky slogan.
Bottom of 9: Jonny Gomes starts off the inning with a strike out. Hernandez gets things started with a hit to left field. Lance Nix pitch hits for Drew Stubbs. Now this one makes sense. You put in a guy who has been crushing the ball for a weak hitter (who was batting 7th). It should also be noted that Nix homered in 3 straight starts, then hasn't started since (thank you for actually useful information Welch). Nix bloops out to 2nd. Cabrera, pitch hitting for Janish pops out to the catcher to end the game.
RECAP: What did we learn? Dusty sucks. Masset also sucks. The bats were cold. Shit Masset gets his 3rd loss on the season and his 2nd in his last 4 appearances. Final Score: Pirates 2, Reds 1.
Brian "now lets hope the Padres can take care of the hated Cards" Reinhart
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