(Impressive!)The deadline for college basketball players to withdraw their names from the NBA draft is this Saturday. With this in mind it looks like UK will officially say goodbye to Wall, Cousins, Patterson, Orton, and Bledsoe. While there is no shocker there – all 5 were expected to leave and will be drafted in the first round – there was a very unexpected surprise down the road with the announcement that U of L Center (impersonator) Samardo Samuels will remain in the NBA draft, foregoing his last two seasons of eligibility with the Cards.
The news was first broken a few weeks ago by a Jamaican newspaper, but was given little credibility most likely due to its nearly unreadable grammar. It is official now, and any hope Cards fans had of him returning were whipped clean when Pitino gave his last scholarship (the one for SamSam) to Kentucky native Elisha Justice. As for Samuels, whose needs for improvement category officially lists “decision making skills,” his status is listed as late second round to undrafted. With that in mind, I thought it would be fun to look into the Cintucky crystal ball and predict what the future holds for the FORMER #1 HIGH SCHOOL PLAYER IN THE NATION.
June 24, 2010 – Samardo Samuels gets drafted in the 2nd round with the last overall pick by the NBA Champion Cleveland Cavaliers.
June 25, 2010 – Samuels starts researching where the Cavs D-League team plays.
October 28, 2010 – The ’10 – ’11 NBA season kicks off with Samuels not on a roster and making less money in the D-League than he did playing for Pitino. Fans are, however, excited at the Samuels vs. Thabeet rematch that pits former Big East foes as well as largest college bust vs. largest NBA bust. Samuels wins the matchup with 6 points, 1 rebound, and 5 fouls. The guys meet Tyler Hansbrough for dinner after the game.
June 2, 2011 – Samuels leaves the NBA D-League and his $12,000 per season salary behind (seriously, I looked it up. Isn’t it nice to know that you make more than Joe Crawford right now?) to play in the Argentina Pro League.
June 4, 2011 – After realizing that people in Argentina have even a harder time understanding what he is saying than people in America, Samuels returns to Jamaica to start training with the Jamaican National Team in hopes of qualifying for the 2012 Olympics.
July 30, 2012 – The Jamaican National Team, after qualifying, faces their first round opponent, the USA National Team. Dwight Howard, Chris Bosh, and surprising late addition Derrick Caracter take turns dunking on SamSam. Howard poses for a picture by flexing after a thunderous dunk causing Samuels to wet himself at half court. The French ball boy cleans it up.
August 1, 2012 – Samuels is bounced from the Olympics after going winless in pool play, but is allowed to stand in the same room with Usain Bolt as a consolation. He is not allowed to touch Bolt’s gold medals.
August 20, 2012 – Returning to Jamaica as a country wide hero, Samuels discovers the Charles Barkley diet and balloons to 300 lbs.
September 13, 2020 – After opening and running a very successful honeymoon resort on the beach, Samuels uses his basketball fame to run for Jamaican Prime Minister, but loses by a landslide to the first non-Jamaican born PM in the country's history, DeMarcus Cousins. Samuels inner circle releases a statement saying they expect Samuels to recover quickly and be back at work for his country in no time. Upon reading this, surprised Louisville fans exclaim, “It’s about time, he sure as hell never rebounded while he was here.”
All (poor attempts at) jokes aside, we would like to wish the best of luck to all Cintucky players headed to the NBA draft. The list includes (according to ESPN’s current Top 100): Demarcus Cousins (UK), Patrick Patterson (UK), John Wall (UK), Eric Bledsoe (UK), Daniel Orton (UK), Samardo Samuels (UL), Jordan Crawford (XU), and Lance Stephenson (UC)
The news was first broken a few weeks ago by a Jamaican newspaper, but was given little credibility most likely due to its nearly unreadable grammar. It is official now, and any hope Cards fans had of him returning were whipped clean when Pitino gave his last scholarship (the one for SamSam) to Kentucky native Elisha Justice. As for Samuels, whose needs for improvement category officially lists “decision making skills,” his status is listed as late second round to undrafted. With that in mind, I thought it would be fun to look into the Cintucky crystal ball and predict what the future holds for the FORMER #1 HIGH SCHOOL PLAYER IN THE NATION.
June 24, 2010 – Samardo Samuels gets drafted in the 2nd round with the last overall pick by the NBA Champion Cleveland Cavaliers.
June 25, 2010 – Samuels starts researching where the Cavs D-League team plays.
October 28, 2010 – The ’10 – ’11 NBA season kicks off with Samuels not on a roster and making less money in the D-League than he did playing for Pitino. Fans are, however, excited at the Samuels vs. Thabeet rematch that pits former Big East foes as well as largest college bust vs. largest NBA bust. Samuels wins the matchup with 6 points, 1 rebound, and 5 fouls. The guys meet Tyler Hansbrough for dinner after the game.
June 2, 2011 – Samuels leaves the NBA D-League and his $12,000 per season salary behind (seriously, I looked it up. Isn’t it nice to know that you make more than Joe Crawford right now?) to play in the Argentina Pro League.
June 4, 2011 – After realizing that people in Argentina have even a harder time understanding what he is saying than people in America, Samuels returns to Jamaica to start training with the Jamaican National Team in hopes of qualifying for the 2012 Olympics.
July 30, 2012 – The Jamaican National Team, after qualifying, faces their first round opponent, the USA National Team. Dwight Howard, Chris Bosh, and surprising late addition Derrick Caracter take turns dunking on SamSam. Howard poses for a picture by flexing after a thunderous dunk causing Samuels to wet himself at half court. The French ball boy cleans it up.
August 1, 2012 – Samuels is bounced from the Olympics after going winless in pool play, but is allowed to stand in the same room with Usain Bolt as a consolation. He is not allowed to touch Bolt’s gold medals.
August 20, 2012 – Returning to Jamaica as a country wide hero, Samuels discovers the Charles Barkley diet and balloons to 300 lbs.
September 13, 2020 – After opening and running a very successful honeymoon resort on the beach, Samuels uses his basketball fame to run for Jamaican Prime Minister, but loses by a landslide to the first non-Jamaican born PM in the country's history, DeMarcus Cousins. Samuels inner circle releases a statement saying they expect Samuels to recover quickly and be back at work for his country in no time. Upon reading this, surprised Louisville fans exclaim, “It’s about time, he sure as hell never rebounded while he was here.”
All (poor attempts at) jokes aside, we would like to wish the best of luck to all Cintucky players headed to the NBA draft. The list includes (according to ESPN’s current Top 100): Demarcus Cousins (UK), Patrick Patterson (UK), John Wall (UK), Eric Bledsoe (UK), Daniel Orton (UK), Samardo Samuels (UL), Jordan Crawford (XU), and Lance Stephenson (UC)
Good blog :)
ReplyDeleteCaribbean Honeymoon Resort
not funny.
ReplyDelete