Bengals-Jets: Big Decisions, Easy Decisions

Happy Holidays to all Cintucky fans out there! I hope you are all off work and enjoying sitting at home doing nothing. I know I am. And I hope everyone has a safe and Happy New Years! To me one of the best ways to ring in a New Year is by seeing the dirtiest player in the game, Hines Ward, crying (see above). Hopefully Marvin enjoys seeing this also, and decides to make it happen yet again Sunday.

Listening to Marvin and the rest of the Bengals speak about their upcoming game against the Jets on Sunday night, they seem to be saying all the right things, not tipping anyone off to their approach and not pissing any team off they might play first round of the Playoffs. However, although on the outside they are saying the correct thing, I pray that in reality they know exactly how they are going to approach the game and just aren't telling anyone. There is only one smart way to approach this game: hire high school players and dress them up like the Bengals players.

In no way should the Bengals even attempt to win this game, and in no way should any Bengal starter play 1 minute unless the depth chart requires them to. Let me explain why:

1. Rex Ryan's defense, #1 total defense (yards), #1 passing defense, #9 rushing defense. This really isn't a reason why the Bengals should fold Sunday, the reason is that the entire Jets defense is going to be doing their best impression of Rodney Harrison, Hines Ward, or Kimo von Oelhoffen and trying to injure any Bengal they can. Now whether that Bengal is Carson, Chad, and Cedric or JT O'Sullivan, Jerome Simpson, and any RB but Cedric is a decision that is up to Marvin Lewis.
2. In addition to dressing high school players up and playing them, the Bengals should have a playbook that consists of nothing above peewee level plays. Assuming that the Bengals do the smart thing and lose Sunday, they will be playing the Jets again next week at Paul Brown in the wild card round of the playoffs. The Jets have to show at least part of their hand and their playbook since they must win this game. The Bengals have the luxury of showing the Jets nothing. If I were Marvin, Hotdogkowski, & Zimmer, I would create 3 new plays on both defense and offense and use only those 3 plays during this Sunday's game. After the game, burn those three plays. However since Bratkowski is not capable of creating new plays, I don't see this happening. Nevertheless, whatever gameplan the Bengals would want to have against the Jets in week 1 of the playoffs, they should do the opposite in week 17 against the Jets.
3. If the Bengals want to see the biggest reason for not showing up Sunday, they should look no further than their own division. For the Steelers to make the playoffs they need to win at Miami + Cincinnati beat NYJ + Houston beat Patriots. For the Ravens to make the playoffs they simply need to win at Oakland. However if Cincinnati decides to beat the Jets, and Baltimore does beat Oakland, then more than likely the Bengals would be facing the Ravens the following week. The worst possible combination would be both Steelers and Ravens making it. I'll be the first to admit it, yes the Bengals beat both those teams twice this year, but who wouldn't rather face Denver or NYJ than Pitt or Baltimore?

Steelers LB Lamaar Woodley, while saying it like biggest douchebag possible, makes the point that I hope Marvin agrees with by commenting, "Cincinnati is probably going to go into New York and lay down for the Jets and not play them hard just because they're not going to want to see Pittsburgh in it." Obviously trying to fire up the Bengals, Woodley continues, "We definitely wouldn't lay down because it's a pride thing with us, going out there winning ballgames and shutting teams down." He goes onto to remind everyone how the Steelers played their starters week 17 last year against the Browns in a meaningless game. What he apparently forgot is how Big Ben suffered a concussion while playing in that game. Brilliant folks, brilliant.

The only other good scenario for the Bengals besides playing the Jets first round would be trying to get revenge against the Broncos for the week 1 miracle/tragedy. The Bengals would play the Broncos if: Houston beats NE and Bengals beat Jets (and Broncos win). But if NE beats Houston and the Bengals beat the Jets, then the Bengals would get Baltimore round (if Balt wins). Personally I would rather play the Jets than the Broncos. A rookie QB whose been throwing tons of picks playing on the road and solid running game which the Bengals will be able to stop with Peko back. Plus, for the Bengals to play the Broncos, they would have to beat the Jets Sunday, which would probably require playing their starters, which I've already detailed why that would be a horrible idea.

The Bengals-Jets game has been flexed to the Sunday Night game on NBC so by the time the game kicks off, Marvin will know exactly who will and will not make it depending on what his team does. I'm sure both before and after the game, Marvin will make generic comments about how "he only focuses on the Bengals this week and not what other teams are doing and not what the Bengals will be doing next week." But seeing as that the Steelers won the Superbowl as the #6 seed in 2005, Marvin would be smart to decide to leave the Steelers and the Ravens out of the playoffs this year given the opportunity.

Greg "Play Jerome Simpson all game and maybe you can see if he'll give you anything in the playoffs!!!" Richter