BENGALS vs. Chiefs GAMEDAY!!!!

(Carrie is out, Jessica is in!)

4th Quarter

- On 3rd down some douche I've never heard of makes the catch of his life for a KC touchdown. Rooting for the Bengals hurts. Tie game.

- After an Ocho catch, one of the announcers explains to us the difference between "an OK play and a pretty good play." Apparently that difference is 3 meaningless yards. How do these guys keep their jobs? Seriously.

- Another flat out drop by a Cincy tight end to end a drive. I'd say its about time to start drinking. Atleast I made it until the 4th quarter this week. KC ball at the 20.

- This just in... "6'7 with arms up and jumping is equivalent to a 12 foot barbed wire fence." Can't find the mute button fast enough. Apparently the Bengals didn't want the ball at the 20, so a hitting the kicker penalty will give KC another punt and yeah they down it at the 1.

- A nifty little shovel pass to Leonard picks up a first down at the 12. Not a huge fan of the call, but it worked so ya can't really bitch too much. A deep shot to Caldwell falls incomplete. Just good coverage by Flowers again. He's having a good day. 21 yard completion to Coles and it looks like Palmer is FINALLY finding his stride. 20 yard run by Benson and this has been an impressive drive that started all the way from the 2 yard line. That takes Cedric over 100 yards for the 6th time this season. PALMER TO OCHO TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!!! WHAT A CATCH BY CHAD ON THAT ONE. That leaves 2:03 for the Chiefs to attempt to tie, and the Bengals are one defensive stop away from clinching their first trip to the playoffs since the 2005 season.

- We finally hit the 2 minute warning. Give the Chiefs credit for taking a TO when Cincy was driving, and not returning the kick. That was excellent clock management which is a skill that way too many NFL coaches lack. INTERCEPTION LEON HALL!!!!!!!!!!!!! KC gets the stop they needed and will get the ball back with 8 seconds left. Weird punt/fair catch thingy and somehow THE GAME IS OVER!!!!!!!!!!! BENGALS WIN THE DIVISION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I will be on later this evening with some post game thoughts as well as info on UK's Music City showdown with the Clemson Tigers.

ENJOY THE WIN BENGALS FANS!! REGARDLESS OF HOW IT HAPPENED WE WON THE DIVISION!! CELEBRATE!

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3rd Quarter

- I think for all Bengals fans' sanity we'll just pretend that the first half never happened and that this game is only a half long becaue the NFL is trying some new fancy type of game. So just disregard everything below.

- Bengals start the game with the ball.

- Benson breaks a big run to start the half. That is the most exciting thing that has happened in this game and its not even close. I took a nap at halftime because the first half put me to sleep. True story.

- Palmer to Quan Cosby for a huge 3rd down pick up and the Bengals have a 1st down at the ten.

- After a busted play, PALMER TO COLES TOUCHDOWN BENGALS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Now that looked like what we've been expecting all day! Perfect start to the second half.

- NOTE TO CBS: If you are going to show a closeup of a cheerleader before the commercial break could you pick a non leather skinned, white haired, geriatric that graces the sidelines? That made me want to throw up, but it'll have to wait as I'm currently gouging out my eyes with an ice cream scooper.

- Bengals take over at the 10. I expect a lot of Benson here. I am not alone. 1st two plays... Benson runs. First down Bengals.

- False start Cincy. I don't even f*cking care anymore. If these a$$holes want to continue to make the same bullsh*t mistakes week after motherf*cking week then f*ck them. AHHHHHHHHHH that felt good. I love having a spots blog.

- Horrible pass by Palmer on 3rd down. Bengals punt... someone got a hand on it and KC will start in Bengals territory. With that we have hit our 50th drive on the season ruined by a false start! Congratulations linemen! You know what is the worst part about that statement.... After rereading it I thought.. well thats clearly an exaggeration but it couldn't be that far off right?

-KC is knocking on the door at the end of the quarter, and will have a 3rd and 10 from the 20 when we return.

Cincy 10, KC 3

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2nd Quarter
Greg Richter reporting live from BDubs in Owensboro KY, once dubbed on ESPN as the "worst bdubs in the country to watch football in"

-I think I fell asleep in the first quarter, what happened?
-Before it happens, I had a dream that Quan Cosby returned a punt for a TD, so if it happens in this game, you can thank me.
-LJ is in the game, we'll see if he runs with some fire that he should run with. I'm sure Cedric is pleased.
-DEEP pass from Palmer, intercepted. GDam*t Caldwell sure does know how to break up an interception let me tell you.
-Chiefs take over with great field position, 3rd and 3 time to man up boys. Bengals dropped 7 and Dhani comes up with a nice play. Seems like the Defense has shown up today, now time for the offense to step up.

Bengals take over. Wait didn't the BROWNS put up like 40 points on the Chiefs last week? looks like we're headed for a 0-0 tie. impressive Bengals.
-AND HERE COME THE FALSE STARTS. F*CK. why do they insist on playing like 3rd graders? I can hear Reinhart cussing from here.
-3rd and long again for the Bengals, same ole same ole. Even Brian Leonard can't turn that into a first down. Receivers must be getting open today. Lovely. PUNT. this could be the most boring game ever played.

-Ndukwe pick! return it for a TD!!! PLEASE THATS THE ONLY WAY TO SCORE!!!
-Ok my buffalo chicken sandwich just came, this is gonna be messy. I'll be back in a minute.
-Ut oh Cedrics limping off. This is why they signed LJ though, time to step up. Alright disregard, Cedrics back on the field. Probably got pissed that LJ got a carry and magically healed. I tell you what I would not want to be handling that situation. Cedric could probably be a guest commentator on The View. But I digress.
-Wow Benson just got stood up a yard short of the 1st down. Holding called, why didn't Chiefs decline that? Guess they figured the bengals would go for it. LOVELY Sack on Palmer. RECEIVERS GET THE F*CK OPEN!!!

-For a defense that is soft as a snuggie, the Chiefs sure came to play today. Or Bob Bratkowski should be fired. One or the other. I'm thinking the latter.
-Chiefs get a PI called on the bengals. Has anyone else noticed this year the recievers calling for the PI and the refs throwing the flag late and actually getting the call? I've seen that in just about every NFL game I've watched this year.
-Steelers Ravens update: (Since it looks like the only way the Bengals will make the playoffs is if the Ravens lose): Sh*tsburgh: 13, Gayvens: 10
-Alright 3rd and 4 man up Bengals D!!!! nope can't do it, Morgan Trent beat across the middle for a first down Chiefs.
-Ok this game has been a snoozefest, I can't stand it anymore.

I think i'll stop doing play by play and just summarize the drives from now on:

Punt
Punt
Punt
Punt

Chiefs get a taste of the Bengals medicine and bad snap on punt!!!!!!!!!!! BENGALS MIGHT SCORE BENGALS MIGHT SCORE BENGALS MIGHT SCORE HELL JUST FROZE OVER!!!!!!!!
-HERE WE GO with run on first. Two minute warning. I'm sure they will run up the middle on 2nd, and 3rd, and then miss the field goal. GOD I HATE THIS TEAM.
-HOLY CRAP CHRISTMAS MIRACLE BENGALS GET A TD!!!! oh no did Chad step out of bounds therefore making the play illegal? Would be typical Bengals luck. Looks like it will be 2nd and goal from the 11. Might as well just send Shayne out now. God this is like gouging my eyes out.
-Ugly 2nd down attempted screen pass. Man this team is not even worth following anymore. And I wrote that before the 3rd down play. PUKE.
-Shayne Graham up and good, Bengals take the lead.
-Chiefs get the ball back with little over a minute in the half, and begin driving, and begin driving, and keep driving. JESUS PREVENT DEFENSE. be lucky to hold them to a field goal at this point.
-Field goal up and good.

Halftime, Bengals 3, Chiefs 3. Vomit. Dominating performance over a team that will have a top 5 draft pick. Super Bowl here we come baby...





1st Quarter

- A video tribute to Chris Henry brought tears to a lot of players and fans eyes. A lack of emotion should not be an issue today.

- Bengals kick off and Graham drills one straight through the endzone. Windy day in Cincy.

- A few decent runs by Jamaal Charles pick up a first down, but the Bengals make the stop and will take over on their own 20.

- The Bengals were doing great running the ball down their throat. What does Bratkowski do? Double Reverse. Yep ya read that right. Sure enough we lose 2 and it stalls the drive. It took him 6 plays to piss me off this week. Thats about the average. Bengals punt. Chiefs take over at the 20. 3 and out. Bengals get it at the 45.

- Excellent field position to start this drive for Cincy. KC has thrown 2 passes so far. One was a bad throw from Cassel and the other a check down for 4 yards. I like the way that sounds. Brandon Flowers 1, Ochocinco 0. Excellent break up by the KC cornerback and the Bengals will punt.

- This first quarter is F*CKING BORING! Somebody do something. Please.

- Awesome pass defended by Hall. Although he got absolutely sh*t on by Vincent Jackson last weekend, he and Joseph still are a top 5 CB duo. Maualuga is limping off the field, and the injuries to the Bengals defense continue to add up. Hopefully he is able to come back. Bengals bring the house on 3rd down and force the punt!! Awesome blitz dialed up by Zim on that one. That takes us to the end of the first quarter. Not too much to get excited about. Greg will be on to take care of the 2nd quarter for us. I'll be back later in the game.

Cincy 0, KC 0

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For the 5th year in a row the Bengals will take on the Kansas City Chiefs. This game has a bit more at stake than the previous ones, however, as it is the AFC North clincher that the Bengals should win.

Kansas City's story is simple: they suck. They have been injured all season, the players quit on the coaching staff around halftime of week 1, and their defense is softer than the Snuggie I am wrapped in now (Thanks Britt!).

The Bengals' story is slightly more complicated: They're solid, they're elite, they're okay, they've got a chance, they're looking at a 1st round playoff loss. My opinion on this team changes daily and frankly I'm still not sure where they are. After three sluggish games in a row they go into SD last week and take it to the hottest team in football (yes even more so than the Colts), nearly pulling out what would have been the best road win in the NFL this season. What I took away from last week's loss is the added dimension that may have been added: the vertical passing game. Fans everywhere can rejoice in knowing that Brat's playbook does have atleast 1 Go-Route in it. Please keep calling them.

As for today's game.. it really shouldn't be close. If we come out and play energized and hard-nosed football, KC doesn't stand a chance. I look for both lines to dominate the line of scrimmage and expect Benson to run for something in the neighborhood of 130 yards.

Prediction: Bengals 31, Chiefs 13

Check back in at gametime for the quater by quarter updates and analysis.

GO BENGALS!!!

Other notes in the sporting world today:

- Louisville's favorite son, Brian "I'm Brian Brohm" Brohm will get the start for the Bills today.

- The UK football Cats will take on Clemson in the Music City Bowl tonight at 8:30 on ESPN. We will have more on this around gametime.

- Shitsburgh plays Baltiwhore today and I think I speak for everyone when I say if they happen to kill each other in a game that results in a tie somehow elminating both of them.. well that'd be just fine with me. Watching this game would be like watching Hitler and Satan in a slap fight.